I started this post once already. It disappeared. It’s the holidays. We have kids visiting. Three out of four, which is wonderful. Yet, here I am in my office typing out words. Hiding. Recuperating. Restoring.

I came home after a massage and shopping today and made myself a sizable Martini with Bombay Sapphire. Delicious. Then I had some wine. I threw ingredients for a ground turkey chili into the crock pot . It was delicious.

What I really wanted was to go out to the horses this afternoon, but what I guess I wanted more was to see my family, at least all of it but one girl. I am suspended between the desire to be with those I love and the necessity of my isolation.

Thrice I have started this post. It is the next day and I continue to type out words. I left this morning to take a short horseback ride. The rest of the family went out on a hike and should be back soon. So I have a few quiet minutes with the dogs and cats.

Festive ferns. My spirits are not nearly as festive, but they are fine. Pounding out a few words at this moment is proving to be more challenging than I expected.

There is anxiety in the elusion and anxiety in the inclusion. Maybe the place where I need to make space in inside myself. Room for myself. Deep breath.